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In a recent interview aired on the Monday, June 2 episode of “The Diary of a CEO” podcast, Fallon, aged 50, shared insights into his mindset during his early 20s when he relocated from New York to Los Angeles to chase his comedy aspirations.
“It wasn’t the best time, and generally, I'm an optimistic person, but that was probably my lowest point,” the host of the Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon remarked. “I remember contemplating therapy options and whether I could afford to see a therapist.”
During this period, Fallon described how he was auditioning for multiple comedy and acting roles but was not finding any success. “I think I wrote a letter to my best friend saying something along the lines of, ‘I’m losing it, man,’” he confessed. “It was along the lines of, ‘I’m struggling and I am unsure if I can continue.’”
He also recounted his intense ambition to get on Saturday Night Live, a dream he had nurtured since childhood.
“My obsession with the show in high school was so consuming that I could hardly socialize during it because I wouldn’t enjoy it if anyone wasn’t into it as well,” Fallon shared about his early fixation on SNL.
In another segment of his chat with host Steven Bartlett, he remarked, “My friends would throw parties, and they’d say, ‘You have to come, right?’ I would reply, ‘I’ll show up at one o’clock.’ I couldn't just record it; I had to watch it live."
His fervent desire to join SNL persisted well into adulthood, he recounted.
“I told myself, if I achieve nothing else in life, that’s my only goal,” he explained. “Even if it was just for a season or a single episode, that would be enough, and then I could pursue whatever else I wanted.”
In 2011, the comedian famously told Rolling Stone, “I remember thinking, ‘If I don’t make it onto Saturday Night Live by 25, I’ll end my life.’ … It sounds crazy now. I didn’t have any other plans. I had no friends, no girlfriend, nothing besides my career.”
Reflecting on that period in his life, he shared with Bartlett, “I jotted down in some journal, What if I don’t get on Saturday Night Live before I turn 25? Then I’ll end my life.’”
When asked if he was serious, Fallon replied, “Yeah, I was, but deep down, I believed I would make it onto Saturday Night Live.”
Ultimately, Fallon realized his dream of being a featured player on SNL after going through two auditions. He was part of SNL from 1998 to 2004 before moving on to a film career. He made his return to television in 2009 as a late-night talk show host on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon — and the rest is now history.
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